Embers of Absolution
by PoodleCharlie
Summary: Luke and Lorelai have started their life together and have a new baby.  Everything is going smoothly until there is an event that shatters their picture perfect world. Then, fifteen years later someone comes back bringing those memories to the surface.
1. What Brought Us Here

_"She's already asleep, she won't even notice we're gone," Luke reassured her. He could tell she didn't like this, but he felt he could trust Jess for just a little while._

_"Lorelai, I'm just going to sleep on the couch. I promise I won't touch her, or talk to her, or anything." Jess Mariano plopped himself on the couch, as if to prove his point._

_Lorelai sighed heavily. She couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach as she looked at her nephew, she still hadn't completely forgiven him for the accident in Rory's car; but it was just one night, a couple of hours really._

_She swallowed hard, and then nodded her head. She took one more look at the infant sleeping in her crib. She leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Mommy loves you. We'll be right back, okay?"_

Lorelai felt the same lump in her throat swell as she spotted Luke's Diner from a distance. Of course, it hadn't been Luke's Diner in almost thirteen years, but she still couldn't seem to think of it as anyone else's.

For the most part she avoided this side of town. She took the long way to the Inn and kept on the other side of the gazebo at town functions. That diner just had too many memories of him. Of them.

She knew she was being petty and childish but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help but wonder if she stopped trying to avoid the building if the pain would eventually dull, but it hurt too much to think of a life that had once held so much promise. A life that had once been perfect.

The subtle changes in the building screamed out to her as if there were flashing neon signs pointing them out. The absence of the William's Hardware sign and the dark yellow writing reading Luke's Diner were obvious, especially now that they were replaced by the nauseating teal cursive letters reading Cathy's Café after Cathy Burgess bought the building about ten years ago. But it was the slightly darker grey paint that covered the entire building that most didn't notice but made every part of Lorelai's insides twist in pain.

She knew Cathy's intentions had been good. Cathy was from Savannah, Georgia and had fallen in love with the picturesque Stars Hallow. She tended to add a little bit of a southern flair to while still trying to keep the historical value in the town, which Taylor Doose absolutely loved. Cathy had tried to keep the paint as close as possible to the original color but according to Lorelai she may as well have painted the diner bubble-gum pink. Lorelai was well aware of the fact that Cathy's Café was very cute and Lorelai probably would have frequented the Café had it not once been Luke's Diner, however, it had been Luke's Diner and she found the Café revolting.

Lorelai never voiced any of these thoughts aloud, however, because then the town would know she was still not over the diner's previous owner. Not that every town member didn't know that she was still very bitter over the whole separation and the events surrounding, because they did know, but it was a small town and no one ever talked about these things. Not to her face anyway.

Lorelai picked up the pace as she walked past the dinner and gave it a wide berth as she concentrated on crossing the street to Miss Patty's. Today wasn't about the diner or the diner's previous owner. Today was about the previous diner owner's daughter. Her daughter.

She spotted her daughter across the sea of dancers in various warm-ups and leotards sitting and stretching on the grass in front of the studio. She was chatting with another girl that Lorelai recognized from her track team. She would recognize the dark brown hair that matched her own anywhere, but Lorelai had to catch her breath when it dawned on her that her daughter was the only one with her hair not yet twisted up into a bun like the rest of the dancers.

_"Oh My God! Luke!" Lorelai screamed as she jumped out of the passenger seat of the truck._

_Whatever Luke had been about to say he completely forgot as he looked up to see his wife running toward their flaming house. Without even thinking he was in the house. The first thing he saw was Jess passed out on the sofa and he heard the eerie sound of flames crackling but even worse he didn't hear the baby crying._

_It didn't take a genius to figure out the source of the fire was in their kitchen, but what Lorelai couldn't figure out was how to get past the wall of fire between her and her daughter. She looked around the room for something, anything really, that could help. She picked up a glass of soda that had been sitting on the side table next to the couch and threw its contents at the flames and as she suspected, it didn't make a difference to the roaring blaze. She looked around for something else wondering when she heard glass shatter._

_She could barely make out the shadow over the fiery wall, but she would know that shadow anywhere. Luke had gone around the outside of the house and broke in through the window! That brilliant, brilliant man!_

_As fast as should could she ran through the front door and to the window that had once been Rory's just in time to see Luke climbing out, baby in his singed arms._

_One of the neighbors must have called the fire department because they came roaring up about that time._

_Instead of stopping as he passed Lorelai he handed the silent baby to the paramedic that had rushed up to him. "She's not breathing!" he loudly informed the paramedic as he handed over the tiny little girl._

_"Okay sir, we've got it from here," he tried to reassure the distraught father._

_Lorelai quickly followed the paramedic with her daughter. Another approached Luke, "Sir, are you hurt anywhere besides your arms?"_

_Luke looked down at him arms, surprised. They were red and bleeding from where the flames had licked him. He suddenly looked back up, "My nephew's still inside." Then he turned and sprinted back toward the house._

_Luke heard the fireman say something about the structure, followed by Lorelai scream for him not to go, but he had to._

_Lorelai turned back to her baby, who looked so tiny lying on the gurney as the paramedic injected her little leg with something._

_"Come on Gwendolyn, breathe baby. Please breathe for mommy," Lorelai begged. And as if on queue the baby wailed._


	2. Trip in the Dark

_As soon as the baby started screaming the paramedics were hoisting her into the ambulance and Lorelai just stood there in shock. First her baby wasn't crying, then she was, then Luke was with her, then he wasn't. What was going to happen to Jess? And… Luke?_

_"Ma'am are you coming?" the medic shouted, his hand already on the door._

_Lorelai looked at the man as if he had three heads. Where was he going? Luke was still inside!_

_"We have to go now!"_

_Lorelai took a step forward, but looked toward the house._

_The man pulled the door._

_Lorelai reached out and grabbed his arm before the door closed all the way. Her adrenaline suddenly kicking in, she hopped into the back of the ambulance and sat down next to her baby as she glared at the paramedic, "Of course I'm coming."_

"Lorelai!" someone's fingers were snapping, "Lorelai? Anybody home?"

"Huh? What?" Lorelai turned to see Sookie St. James waving her hands around in the air in front of Lorelai's face.

She dropped her arms, "Sweetie, I just said your name like five times."

"Oh, Sorry Sook. I guess I'm just a little out of it today."

"Everything okay?"

Lorelai pasted on a smile, which she hopped didn't look too fake because she was genuinely happy to see Sookie.

Sookie just eyed her suspiciously and then caved. "Okay. You coming inside?" She gestured toward Miss Patty's.

"Um, yeah, I'll be right in, I'm just gonna let Gwen know I'm here."

"Okay, but don't take too long because the Higgins are on their way."

Lorelai was very fond of Gwen's best friend Rebecca Higgins. Becca, as everyone in town called her, spent a lot of time at their house, probably due to the fact that she was the only female child in her large immediate family. Lorelai pictured Mr. and Mrs. Higgins and their five rowdy boys taking up all the last seats in Miss Patty's dance hall, which is what they always did at town functions, there were way too many of them to all sit together so they usually just filled in the gaps.

"Okay, one minute."

She turned and looked over the sea of dancers on the grass outside the studio and noticed one of Gwen's friends tell her that her mom was here, which she didn't actually hear her say, but she assumed because Gwen turned around and waved.

Lorelai waved back and her heart nearly melted when Gwen smiled back at her. Gwen had inherited her mother's fair skin and dark hair, but she had Luke's eyes, and most definitely Luke's smile. Most people only noticed that Gwen had Luke's eyes because most of Stars Hollow hadn't seen Luke's smile very often because it wasn't a beaming smile, it was a sly smile that stole your breath away. God, she loved that smile.

Satisfied that Gwen had seen her Lorelai turned to walk into Miss Patty's when she practically ran into the back of Mrs. Higgins.

Mrs. Higgins turned around with a stern face to see who had nearly plowed her over, probably assuming it was one of boys, but smiled when she saw Lorelai standing there.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Tina."

"That's quite alright Lorelai." Tina Higgins was a surprisingly petite woman for having given birth to six children. She only stood about 5'3" and wore around a size four waist. She had blonde hair and fair skin, just like Becca. "Becca told me Gwen might go to a private high school in Hartford to run there."

"Yeah, well," Lorelai shrugged, "She doesn't want to go."

"Doesn't want to go? Of course she's going, she's the best hurdler Stars Hollows' ever seen since-" She stopped short, but she didn't have to say it, everyone in this town new that Luke Danes was the last runner at Stars Hollow high to really excel in track and field. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." Lorelai tried to reassure her, but ended up looking down at her shoes.

"Thank you everyone for coming out tonight to see all these wonderful dancers…" Miss Patty began her speech and the two women slipped into the dark studio.

Lorelai saw that the seat next to Sookie was filled and Sookie shrugged and mouthed "Higgins."

There was one seat left in the very back row and Lorelai, tripping through the dark, loudly made her way to the last row and earned some very dissatisfied stares from the other parents in the audience. "Sorry." She mumbled under her breath at one man who scoffed loudly, but as she turned to glare at him she tripped over someone's handbag and literally fell into a man's lap.

Lorelai tossed her hair and asked, "Is this seat taken?"

"It is now."

Lorelai stopped dead in her tracks. Her whole body went stiff at the sound of his voice. She slowly brought her gaze down and locked eyes with none other than Luke Danes.


	3. Rain Drops Keep Fallin

_From the moment they'd gotten to the hospital she'd been shoved to the side. The doctors had jumped in her place next to gurney that looked very large in comparison to her very small daughter._

_And then there was a woman asking for Gwen's medical history. She didn't specify whether she was a doctor or a nurse, but Lorelai supposed it didn't matter as she began rattling off information._

_Gwen is fourteen months old.  
>She is up-to-date on all her shots.<br>Her dad's side has a family history of cancer, but what the hell does that matter?  
>Yes. She had her flu shot. Her pediatrician gave it to her.<br>Yes. Her pediatrician is located here in Hartford.  
>No. The only other time she's been hospitalized she was three months old.<br>Pnemonia._

"_Thank you Mrs. Danes, someone will be out to give you an update as soon as possible." And with that the woman walked back into the trauma room with all the doctors and nurses leaving Lorelai in a silent hallway._

_Inside the room all the doctors and nurses were rushing around in full speed, but just outside the double doors the world seemed to be moving in slow motion. And where the hell was Luke?_

"What are _you_ doing here?" Lorelai hissed.

She heard that same man from earlier scoff loudly for the second time, but instead of giving him the time of day she kept focused on Luke's explanation.

"My daughter asked me if I was coming. What was I supposed to say? No? Besides, I go to every track meet, this isn't any different. I don't know why you're surprised." Luke countered, while trying to keep the conversation hushed. Luckily the music had started and their conversation wasn't as easily heard.

"Yes, you are a valiant supporter of the track, but you don't do dance recitals."

"I do dance recitals."

"Oh yeah? When was the last dance recital you've been to?"

"The yellow one, when 'Rain drops keep fallin' on my head.'"

Lorelai opened her mouth and then quickly shut it. Luke knew that meant she'd had a response ready before Luke spoke, but he'd surprised her by actually remembering the last one. She quickly recovered, however, with "She was five."

Luke just turned back toward the stage. He remembered that she was five at the time and he remembered that she was wearing yellow because she was dressed like a daisy, which was Lorelai's favorite flower. He still to this day didn't understand why his daughter was dressed as a flower dancing to singing in the rain, he figured Kirk had something to do with costumes for the show that year, but he doubted he'd ever really know the answer to that one for sure. Luke tried to keep his attention on the other peoples' children prancing around the stage, but his thoughts kept going back to the woman that was now seated next to him.

Unbeknownst to him, the woman was trying desperately to do the very same thing.

"_Mrs. Danes, you have to wait out here." The doctor informed her, he was wearing a white coat, and without waiting for an answer he turned and stepped back inside the trauma room._

"_But that's my kid!" she tried to object to the already closed door. Lorelai pressed her hand to the already closed door but found herself restrained by a large male nurse. At first she tried to fight him, but quickly realized she wasn't going to make any progress even with the adrenaline surging through her veins._

_She wished Luke were here. He was usually a rule follower, but she knew he would have helped her distract this guy this time. She tried to see best she could through the small square pane of glass embedded in the door, but the doctors were surrounding the tiny baby and she couldn't even get a glimpse of her daughter, yet still she watched the doctors move as if her daughter's life depended on it._

"_Lorelai! How's she doing? She's breathing now right? She has to be breathing 'cause they are still working on her. Right?" Luke regarded her as if she wasn't being restrained by a large man._

"_She was breathing in the ambulance but they took her in there and Paul Bunyan here won't let me in."_

_Luke turned to see the man restraining his wife as if he hadn't even noticed him before, which he probably hadn't, and then turned back to his wife. He wanted to say something supportive like 'she's gonna be fine' or 'everything will turn out for the best' but he genuinely didn't know if it would be fine. He knew if she didn't make it, nothing in his life would ever be fine again._

"_Excuse me? My husband's here now, can you please let me go?" Lorelai loudly asked the nurse._

"_I suppose." His deep voice rolled like thunder as he set her down like a child._

"_Bring your giant ox back next time, 'kay?" she shouted after him as he was walking away._

_The metal doors flew open and Gwen was being rolled on a bed by the doctor that had told her to wait along with a couple other people she didn't recognize. Lorelai and Luke both stepped closer to the bed. Gwen had bandages all over her and was wearing an oxygen mask that was obviously too large for her._

"_She's stable enough now so we're going to take her up to the burn unit where they can finish dressing her wounds." The doctor informed her. "You can ride with us in the elevator if you like."_

_Upon seeing her daughter in such a state Lorelai's breath was caught in her throat and she was thankful she didn't have to ask the doctor any questions and she followed her baby and the doctors into the elevator._

"_Aren't you coming?" she asked Luke._

"_I think I'm gonna wait here for Jess." He said gesturing away from the elevator. "You go ahead."_


	4. Avoidance

**A/N: My apologies for the delay in posting this. Also, for the brevity of this chapter. I have recently gotten back into working on this story and I just wanted to go ahead and post this to see if there was still interest in the story. Thanks to all for reading!**

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><p><em>What the hell was Luke's deal?! Before she was shocked, now she was angry. A minute ago she making excuses for him, 'Oh, my husband, he went to go visit our nephew,' and she felt like she's said 'he'll be up soon' a million times. She knew hospitals terrified him and, maybe, he was scared to see his daughter like this, to have this helpless feeling that Lorelai had now, but it terrified her too! And she was staying! <em>

_Her daughter's condition had become somewhat stable now, and as she stared at her little baby girl, who was hooked up to so many machines that Lorelai had no clue what they did, she was becoming more and more frustrated at her absent husband. She needed him. Their daughter needed him. How could he be anywhere else? _

_Lorelai reached down to stroke the baby's tiny left hand. It looked completely fine, unlike the right hand that was completely covered by bandages. The doctors had now replaced the oxygen mask with breathing tube. She assumed it did exactly as it sounded and helped Gwen breathe, but it looked so scary and large compared to the little person it was helping. She felt guilty for being grateful that Gwen wasn't conscious enough to be crying, but knew she wouldn't be able to handle not being able to take away pain like that from her daughter. She just couldn't._

_And when the hell did Luke plan on coming up? Because she needed him. Right now. In this moment, the reality of almost loosing their daughter and the possibility that they still could was hitting her. Full force. Like a semi that didn't see the light turn red. She needed Luke. And so did Gwen. _

As soon as the curtain had closed Lorelai practically climbed over Luke, again, to make her way out of the dance studio. She was_not_ going to be stuck next to him, forced to make small talk because everyone around them was leisurely making their way to the only exit. Besides, she knew that the dancers couldn't see past the lights fixed on them. Gwen wouldn't even notice if she wasn't there to see her bow.

Outside, she paced in front of the studio. She was the only one outside, but the clapping that roared from the small building reminded her that she wouldn't be for long. She needed to focus. To stop pacing. Was she sweating? Why was this _still_ so difficult? So awkward? Once upon a time she had been able to talk to her ex husband – no, that still sounded too weird – able to talk to Luke about everything. He was once her very best friend. But not now.

Now, any attempts to even talk to him she had to prep herself for. They sat on opposite sides of the stands at track meets, exchanged Gwen with drop-offs and rendezvous they'd arranged via text message. They rarely spoke face-to-face unless it was absolutely necessary. She wished things could be simple again, like they were before. And in her head she knew that that would never be possible, but in her heart she longed for those effortless moments before everything spun out of control.

"_Mr. Danes?" a white coated physician stepped out of the patient room. He didn't need a confirmation one he laid eyes on Luke Danes. Dr. Teer immediately recognized the look on his face. The concern, the worry. The burns on his forearms were a dead giveaway that he'd been exposed to the same fire that the patient in the room behind him had been exposed to. _

_Luke didn't feel that this was the kind of atmosphere where he needed to raise his hand and yell 'Present!' This wasn't roll call. He was the only one that would be there. The doctor would have to settle for a curt nod in acknowledgement. _

_Luke dropped his head into his hands, allowing the full weight to rest in his palms. It felt so heavy. He was pretty certain that if he hadn't caught it, his whole body would have just toppled over onto the floor. _

_It was guilt, he decided, that was weighing his down. He knew this wasn't his fault, but he felt like it was. He was the one who convinced Lorelai to come with him. He was the one who'd insisted their daughter would be fine staying with Jess. It wasn't his fault, but partially, it was. _

_And partially, he was staying outside his nephew's room because he knew he'd need someone there for him. He also knew that that person had to be him. It was no telling how long it would be before Liz showed up, or if she would even come at all. And partially he was here because he couldn't face his wife yet. He couldn't hear the 'I told you' from her just yet, and he knew there would be one. _

_But there was also part of him who was putting off going to see his daughter because he was wholly and completely terrified. He knew that was wrong and he knew it was selfish, but how could he just walk in there? How could he pretend to be strong for his daughter? And for his wife? When he was on the brink of falling apart? _

_He didn't doubt that Lorelai was pissed at him right now, which made it even harder to get up out of the plastic chair to head toward what he was certain was about to be a warzone. _


End file.
